Well.

After three crying jags before noon, I decided it was urgent I get to the park and run. Before backing out of my driveway crying jag #4 hit. Wiping my eyes on my running shirt, I told myself, “You’ve got to stop this.”

I prayed as I drove. It was one of those, “God, help me” prayers. I don’t want to be one of those people who is up then down…up then down. Again I mentally noted all of the changes – pretty big changes – that had happened this year and one very disturbing situation that came to light this summer. Not to mention a current issue I can’t share at this time. Then there is the “time of year” factor. All of the painful memories of our son being sick and passing are enveloped in this time of year. Still, everyone has stuff.

In the quiet of the van, I said, “It doesn’t matter the why, I just need this to go.”

“God, please give me direction.”

I parked in the only spot that afforded a bit of shade. It’s October 30 and couldn’t feel  less like fall as temperatures climb near 90 degrees. Reaching for my cell phone I sent a text.

As I climbed out of my van, a young woman in running clothes and sporting a high  ponytail asked me about the safety of running in the park. She’d never run here before and I suppose my Vibrams gave me away. Thankful for over sized sunglasses and hoping she mistook my red nose for the sign of a cold or allergy, I responded. She would never have guessed at the emotional pain I was covering. Should I have mentioned the coyotes? Because I did.

I walked a few hundred yards before beginning my warm-up run. A quarter mile in, my phone rang. It was the dear friend I had texted. We talked briefly for a moment before my voice broke and crying jag #5 ensued. Then she began to pray. When she stopped she gave me a one word instruction.

“Sing.”

It  felt right. It felt true. She told me to sing while I ran in the park.

Do you know how hard it is to run and sing? To run 5 miles and sing while you run?

But I did it and with each song my heart felt lighter and my mind felt freer.

Mile One – “Jesus Loves Me”

Mile Two – “Jesus, There’s Just Something About That Name”

Mile Three – “There’s Within My Heart A Melody”

At this point, I was at the tree in the park where I’ve often stopped to sit and pray a minute. I sat down, carefully avoiding the ant hills and I laid my hand on my sweaty forehead and I prayed for myself. Then I got up and ran.

Mile Four – “He Touched Me”

Mile Five – “To God Be the Glory”

By the end of my run, I felt a difference. I’m going to get through this. It won’t linger. It has to go. This whatever it is and it feels like depression must go.

At some point while running, I stopped to check  my phone. I had a message. It  was from Cynthia McCutcheon. She was reminding me of the interview I have with her tomorrow at 2:30 on her Journey of Faith blog talk radio show.

Forcibly I exhaled and thought, “bad timing.” But then I heard HIS voice, “MY timing.”

In a flash I remember this. Then HE tells me not only is HE in the details of my life, HE’s in the timing, too.

You can listen in tomorrow by clicking this link. (2:30 EST/1:30 CST)

“There’s Within My Heart A Melody”

There's within my heart a melody 
	Jesus whispers sweet and low: 
	Fear not, I am with thee, peace, be still, 
	in all of life's ebb and flow. 
Refrain:
	Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, 
	sweetest name I know, 
	fills my every longing, 
	keeps me singing as I go. 

2.	All my life was wrecked by sin and strife, 
	discord filled my heart with pain; 
	Jesus swept across the broken strings, 
	stirred the slumbering chords again. 
	(Refrain) 

3.	Though sometimes he leads through waters deep, 
	trials fall across the way, 
	though sometimes the path seems rough and steep, 
	see his footprints all the way. 
	(Refrain) 

4.	Feasting on the riches of his grace, 
	resting neath his sheltering wing, 
	always looking on his smiling face, 
	that is why I shout and sing. 
	(Refrain) 

5.	Soon he's coming back to welcome me 
	far beyond the starry sky; 
	I shall wing my flight to worlds unknown; 
	I shall reign with him on high.