(photo source: Robert Broughton)

Every morning when I wake, I lie very still for a few moments before touching feet to floor. The reality of loss lands on me once again…spreads over me like a blanket. Sweet memories and painful images collide.

Exhale…sigh…accept.

I must get up. To lie any longer allows too much hurt to infiltrate.

Another sunrise – another choice.

Will I live this day in color? To live in black and white means less pain and less examination but it also means less joy.

Will I live this day in black and white? Go through the motions of life, throwing up a hand to halt any thoughts deeper than surface decisions for the tasks of the day?

Or will I let it all in? Allow myself to go beyond the shallow end to the deep. In the shallow I can move through my day in default. Give a little. Take less.

Venture purposely to the deep and I must think more, work at it harder and feel it all in color.

Feel the yellow happy, the saturated red of romance, the true blue of friendship, and the greenness of new. But there are a myriad of colors and when once you take the artist’s palette, you find, too, the gray of unease and indigo longing.

Most days I push myself to live beyond the inoculation of black and white. Flat and shadows. Truth be told, I’m often satisfied living in pastels.

But the clock ticks segments awash in bold color – so deep, I forget to breathe.

Exhale…sigh…surrender.

Those are the moments when it all feels too hard, too painful, too everything.

But we are not meant for black and white living.

Created from earth tones. Formed by words and breath inspired.

We are saturated for living in the hue of GRACE.