There is a word my mouth won’t say. My heart can’t take the sound of it.

Before, I had no problem forming the word and hearing its escape.

Before, I had no intimate knowledge, no woeful experience with its parts.

Now, I know the wrenching, “on this side” permanence of the dreadful word.

Now, I know the finality – the ending that is yet to feel like the beginning.

Avoid and replace, substitute and sigh…anything but say the word.

I suspect I’m not alone.

I suspect you have a word or two your mouth will not say.

There are plenty to go around.

Divorce

Abortion

Died

Affair

Have I missed one?

The word is not the thing. The context is.

The painful context with its pieces. Its faces and phrases. Its tangible, ordinary objects, too.

Easily, with innocence the word is voiced by others. Real casual like.

And my ears twitch. And my heartbeat quickens.

Someday I’ll say the word. But not now.

Someday without an inward flinch the word will roll.

And I’ll take notice without blinking. And no one else will note its return.

Just a seven letter word.

Words go deep.

Words matter.

Words are matter. Occupying space and time.

Even words left unsaid.

© 2012 Melanie Dorsey

(photo-Robert Broughton)

Do you have a word too painful to say?